Lesson Four

Sorry it took so long for me to get this out but damn, what is with this week....seriously. I was sick all last week and have no money and now this week has been full of Mondays. But that's just the life of a server sometimes.
Table One: Two ladies sitting there before I walk in the door....great job hostess...thanks. They were super nice...I pretended to be interested in their silver napkin rings. This is just so weird I have to talk about it. She had 7 sterling silver napkin rings and proceeded to allow me to touch all of them while she told me what was engraved on them and what year they were from. I said, "These are so nice, are they a family heirloom?" and she says, "They are now." Who the hell goes and buys mismatched silver napkin rings with random inscriptions on them and brings them to a restaurant to show their friend? Do you non servers see the weird shit that we deal with? $6.
Table Two: Two other old ladies sit down and have coffee and a diet coke. This lady drinking coffee had the worst smelling breath ever. When she ordered coffee I felt so bad for her friend. I can't describe how seriously rank this bitches breath was...needless to say I could smell it every time I walked past the table. I didn't charge them for their drinks since that is all they had for the whole 2 hours they sat there...and I just wanted to avoid having any more conversations with this ranky ass breath biatch. $5
Table Three: A couple of regulars. Not regularly good tippers though. However; I was amazed at how fast this lady inhaled her salad. $3
Table Four: A middle aged couple comes in, he gets a blackened tuna sandwich and a Budweiser and she gets a side of vegetables with no butter and a water. We conversated about how she didn't know we put butter on our vegetables (wtf did you think all that yellow shit your vegetables were floating in was?)and all this time she thought she was eating healthy. I laughed and told her of my obsession with butter and how I prefer to put butter on top of my biscuits like icing and not in the middle. $10
Table Five: The only highlight of my week was tonight when a couple of friends came into eat. They eventually made it over to my section in the bar and were celebrating my friend Heather's birthday...a few days early. They made such a boring night fly by and left me very nice tips. Thank God for good friends!

So now it's time for today's lesson. One really annoying thing that patrons do on the daily is make reservations for large parties when they aren't aware of how many people are coming. When a large party is coming in, the server who will be waiting on them stops getting sat an hour before they arrive so that the table will be ready for them when they get there. Mostly it is the younger crowd or black people who make a reservation for 30 people and in the end roughly half (if the server is lucky) shows up. Then these large parties sprawl out and take up four tables when they could really have fit at two or three thus filling up the servers entire section when they don't need too. This server hasn't been sat/hasn't been making ANY MONEY for over an hour and now you are taking up one more table you don't need that is further preventing this server from making anything. YOU ARE A BUNCH OF SELFISH DOUCHEBAGS! So for the sanity of the server's a hostess won't seat a party until at least half the guests arrive and then they have to listen to the party bitch about it. Well I'm fucking sorry but if YOUR friends would have been here on time then you wouldn't be waiting. One time I had a party of 20 coming in at 8:00...black teenagers. When the first three people arrived I foolishly allowed them to sit down and went ahead and got their drinks. I shit you not, an hour later they were still the ONLY people there. And an hour and a half later this bitch had the nerve to ask me for her check, pre-gratuity. I said I'm sorry but I personally pulled all these tables together, you made a reservation for 20 and it's not my fault your friends didn't show up for your birthday, the gratuity stays. What I wanted to say was, "Sorry bitch fuck you." I mean seriously, complaining about gratuity on her tab when it was literally a dollar fifty? And then at 9:45, 17 more people showed up....and had the nerve to be pissed that they were rushed into ordering by ten (closing time) and stayed until 11. Another example....a couple of weeks ago a reservation was made by the proprietor (basically the owner of a restaurant) of Outback Steakhouse on Two Notch road for a party of 20 (also black). They talked the owner of my restaurant into giving them four free appetizers when they got there. Because I used to work at Outback the owner thought it would be beneficial for me to have this party. At 7:30...30 minutes past the time they said they would arrive none of them were there. So when I call this lady she says, "Yeah we are running a little late,"....YEAH NO FUCKING SHIT! I thought because these people worked in the industry they would be easy to wait on...and then they pull some shit like this. Well they show up and once ten of them arrive they get sat. AND NO ONE ELSE SHOWS UP! And to top it all off what does this birthday party of 20....I mean 10 order? 6 APPETIZERS AFTER THE OWNER SAID HE WOULD GIVE THEM 4! And they drank mixed drinks from the bar and the youngins' drank Shirley Temples....with cherries of course. And not a single one of them tipped over gratuity. So I had two tables that night when I first walked in and my section was blocked off until this party gets there (late with half the people they said) and they stayed until WELL after closing time. People please don't do this to us!!
Going to work at 4....it's a Saturday night before Valentines day so hopefully we will be busy and I will have many more stories to tell!! SAVE THE SERVERS!