Lesson 8

Hello my dear friends...it is that time again for another blog. Just now I realized that I haven't really gone into what goes on when a restaurant gets busy. Sure I've told stories where I have been annoyed while busy but I have never given a run down on what it is like to be completely behind or as we say in the biz...in the weeds. I have been working cocktail a lot lately and in some ways it is much different than working the floor. Cocktail is always first come first serve where-as being on the floor is on a rotated (by empty tables of course) list. On a busy night most people crowd around the bar while they wait for their buzzer to go off but when they see a table around the bar get up they are quick to rush to it even though it is still dirty. And they expect immediate service. Restaurant X is one of the few restaurants that I have worked at that doesn't have three or four bus boys running around cleaning tables...we have one. When we work on the floor for the most part we buss our own and when working in cocktail we 100% of the time clean our own tables. So this leads me to one of my first pet peeves...you see me running around being busy as fuck...why must you continue to stand not only in my way but you are standing in a large group. If the restaurant were a cholesterol ridden heart valve you would be the blood clot to kill us all. Seriously, I have walked through the middle of your group announcing "I'm sorry! Excuse me! Sorry...excuse me" a thousand times and you continue to say "No, don't be sorry it's our fault for being in your way." If that's the way you truly feel then MOVE THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY! I mean really...why are you going to group by the end of the bar that is OBVIOUSLY where the servers go to get their drinks...that end of the bar is called the service well...it is distinguishable by the black mats and row of white tickets. DON'T STAND THERE...you are in our way. Annoyance number 2...I hate it when I walk up to great a table in cocktail and I say, "Hi, how are you? My name is Rachel! How many people are in your party so I can go grab you silverware and menus and what can I get you to drink?"
And they say, "Oh, I'm just sitting here while I wait for my buzzer to go off."
And then I say, "Actually this is first come first serve over here...I'll be your server."
"No, I'll just wait, thanks anyway."
Actually bitch, no you won't. If you don't want to eat here (which why wouldn't you?) then get the fuck outta here, thanks. Someone else would more than appreciate this table and be willing to tip me. Annoyance number three...I hate it when someone's spouse tries to order for them and then they argue about it. Yes ma'am...I've already taken your order...now it is your husbands turn so shut the hell up. Half the time they interrupt their spouse while they are answering one of my many dinner questions with the opposite answer I end up writing down. You are really wasting my time...I am to busy to verify his order through you and him...so play the quiet game and let the big kids talk. One more serving annoyance for tonight and I will move on to making subs. Number 5...for the last time...when I say that this plate is hot please let me put it down for you don't argue and say you can handle it and reach for the plate. I wouldn't tell you it was hot if it wasn't and I know the minute you grab it your going to let go and I also know how heavy these plates are. Regardless of whether you grab it or not I am still going to hold on to it as we set it down together so I don't get bitched at by my boss when you drop the plate, flip the food on your lap and I have to walk to the kitchen to get it remade for you. Just let me put your food down...this isn't a macho thing.

OK so lets talk about subs. Since the Sub Club is across the street from a large hospital we get busy around 11:30 and it normally stays that way until about one. Today we were so busy we had a line outside the door all the while we had tickets strewn across the board. Being the sub shop across the street we definitely have our share of regulars at the Sub Club and I absolutely loathe it when my boss starts talking to one of them and not paying attention to his job. AND HE'S MY BOSS. Don't get me wrong...I love the guy but seriously "November" we are way to busy for you to be shooting the shit with a stranger we happen to make food for everyday. And then there are the people who come up to the line and start asking us things about their subs. "Can I get extra mayo? My name is Brett. Can I get hot peppers? My name is Fuckface. Can I get a large instead? Can I change my sub? Have you already made mine...I want it cold now? Can I get a side of honey mustard? Can I have a fork? Can I get salt and pepper? Just wanted to let you know the bathroom is dirty. I just saw someone change a diaper on a table. Is my food coming up?" CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT I AM BUSY AND FOCUSED AND YOU SHOULD HAVE ASKED FOR THAT SHIT EARLIER? How about instead of ruining my focus you look by the soda station for the shit your asking for? Or when someone calls in an order for 10 subs in the middle of lunch and gets pissy when we say its going to be 20-25 minutes. I'm sorry that you and all your friends want to eat subs at the exact same time as the rest of the hospital...but you should know that we are going to be busy. I hate it when I have a sub to deliver to someone in the dining room and I call there name and they raise their hand and I tell them what I have in my hand, they say it is there's and then two minutes later I have two people looking at me...one saying they have been waiting forever for their food and the other saying we didn't give him the right sub. Hey dickmouth...when I said the name Beth and you raised your hand and I asked you again if you were Beth and told you what the sub was you should have known then that it wasn't your food. Now I have to remake this sub while making all this other food because you are an idiot...sit the fuck down and raise your hand when YOUR name is called.

Please non-service workers, read this blog and hear my plea...don't be a fool and together we can save the servers.