Lesson Two

So with this blog I had planned to write every night when I got off of work...but I've been sick for the past three days and I'm tired of waiting around!! So today I am going to write Lesson 2...which is my opinion on why your kids suck. As many of you have heard thousands of times when a server is putting a plate on your table we say, "Please be careful this plate is hot." We say that because the plate is fucking hot and we want to put it down as soon as possible. So when your little bad ass kids are running around the restaurant (which yes...to all you shocked parents who say they would never let their kids do that....people do...all the time) keep in mind that I have an extremely hot plate...in my BARE hands and I'm trying not to burn your little monster. PUT YOUR KID ON A LEASH! THIS IS NOT MCDONALDS AND WE DON'T HAVE A PLAY PLACE! THIS IS A NICE RESTAURANT AND PEOPLE ARE WORKING! CONTROL YOUR FREAKING CHILDREN! I can not stress enough how much I hate your kids. I especially love it when parents allow their children to chug their soft drinks and demand another so they can also chug that one...followed by another and another. To the parents out there who allow their children to order Shirley Temples (grenadine and sprite), when your brat orders one I am going to pour so much grenadine in that fucking sprite that when you get home your kid won't sleep for years. With every refill I am going to add more and more. The part that's annoying to me is that the more syrupy it is the more the brats love it. Another large annoyance that you bestow upon your temporary slave (me...the server) is when you let your kids place their own dinner order. Most of the time it goes like this, "Alright little Thomas tell the lady what you want for dinner."
"Uhhhhhhhhhh I want chicken fingers and grilled cheese!"
"I'm sorry son you can only have one."
"Waaaaaaaaa! I want both."
"No, just pick one Thomas."
"BUT I WANT BOTH!!!"
And the tantrum continues while I stand there wasting my time but trying to act like I don't mind so you don't think I'm being a bitch and leave me a bad tip. It's pretty fucking annoying isn't it? And then after an hour of being annoyed to death you and that little jerk get out and I have to call in a Hazmat squad to clean up after them. I mean seriously, I knew your child was a pain in the ass but I didn't know he was actually Hurricane Hugo. Of course it is always good policy as a server to clean up the mess before you look in the checkbook to see what they left you. Family of seven, five kids whose meals cost 4.99 (with a drink!) and the bill is 40 dollars and you left me 5. Now I am not the kind of person to get upset about 5 on 40...but for all that work if you think that's all I deserve then how about you go to Hell. So parents please, teach your kids some fucking manners and soon because if you don't then 30 years from now these big whiny babies will still be living in your basement.

I will leave you with a funny and true story about a riot a little pain in the ass child started in the restaurant where I work. A little child with a party of 6 black women is sitting in a booth which is back to back with a booth of 6 old hags. This little brat keeps trying to jump over to the other side where the old women are sitting and the kids mother is doing nothing about it. Finally one of the old ladies who has been trying to eat her meal without disturbance simply takes the kids hands off of her booth so he will stop attempting to jump over. And that's when shit got real. The mother of the child freaks out telling the old lady not to touch her child or she will shank her...you can't make this shit up people. The old lady doesn't back down and eventually police had to be called...the old lady ends up cutting the black lady. A real battle royal! The kitchen manager ends up dragging the black woman out of the restaurant and the server (who had both tables) ends up getting stiffed by both. Wow...glad those ladies cleared up who the real instigator of that fight was....the server!!! That bitch that refilled their drinks, took their orders, kissed their ass, got their margaritas, made annoying small talk, pretended they thought the little kid was cute. They really showed that server. I think that in my next blog I'm going to talk about........people who make reservations for a large party...and only 5 people show up!!! Thanks for reading :)